Oh, Canada…

Canada. A lot of people make fun of Canada. Why fight them? I think I’ll contribute to the fun-poking, and if any Canadians are offended by the utter bunkum I’m about to make up, go, jump in a snowdrift or something. I hear there’s plenty of them up there. (I don’t actually have anything against Canadians, just so you know.) Canadians main purpose in life is to sneak large amounts of their dumb money over the border and into American currency circulation. The following is a typical ploy to accomplish this goal:
Canuck: (after putting his/her purchases on the counter and the cashier has the change drawer open,) Would you get me [Item behind cashier]?
Unwitting American: Sure, just a sec.
Hockeyman: (discreetly throws a handful of Canadian pennies in the drawer.)
American Victim: Here you are.
Canadian Victimizer: Thunks a boonch, eh?
Sometimes they will drop nickels or dimes in the streets, or slip it in the rest of the change they pay for something. Once a year, they will even slip in a quarter! And Americans, unsuspecting and innocent, bend over, waste seconds of precious time, and then don’t even get actual monetary compensation! However, they will usually not care. “Ooh, look a canadian penny. Here, you can have it, [five year old child]
or, “Cool, a quarter with a moose or something on it! Sa-weet! Or is that an elk? Or Queen Elizabeth? Or a… ”
I’m sure you’ve heard of their great prowess in hockey. HA! It’s not even the Canadians at all! It’s actually Bigfoots dressed up as hockey players. Or, since Bigfoot is a Canadian, I guess the Canadians are good at hockey, anyway.
Then there’s a peice of trivia that you haven’t heard because I made it up right about now.
The Canadian Air Force, Army, and Navy, are all made out ice, and run by one guy. They are planning to take over North Dakota. The Government knows this, and no one cares (ATTENTION, North Dakotists, I can’t only make fun of Canadia.)
What’s with the accent, though? It’s one thing that I actually do find annoying. Aboot, Anyhoo, all that is extremely irritating. Well that’s enough “making fun of” Canadia. What would I know anyway? I’m from Idaho, which is probably just like Canada, except we’ve got more potatoes. :P

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