I have had another prank idea, which, once again, I’m not saying you should actually do it, but this one won’t get you in trouble with the law more than most others. (Hopefully)Ever seen “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”? And how they use a lifeline known as Phone a Friend? And how some stupid people who have nothing better to do friday night make prank phone calls? The logic is dizzying. So, go find a friend who does a good Meredith Viera impersonation,  and call a random number. Now, how you proceed from here depends on what you would like to do.Would you like to call an actual friend and have it be somebody they know? Or just make up a random name, and see how they react? The latter is the usual choice. Now then, how much should they be going for? Do you make it really suspenseful, and say they’re going for the million dollar question? (Even better if they don’t know the person you made up.) Give them an impossible question.Or, alternately, you could pretend the guy is a rather (*cough cough*) unintelligent individual, and already used his fifty-fifty on the hundred dollar question, got left with the answer and the punchline question, and decided to phone you?This would also be good for a psychology study, to see how people react to the fact that they may have cost someone a million dollars.Enjoy. 

For some odd reason, people think Chihuahuas are dogs, and are native to earth. Yeah Right!Anyone who could think those hairless, bugeyed things are native to this planet, much less dogs, deserves to be turned into one. (Here’s a tip. that insult works quite well, as everyone who thinks normally and knows chihuahuas are the ugliest things to blight the planet will get the point, and the deluded, brainwashed folks who believe the opposite won’t be offended.) Chihuahuas came from Neptune, Venus, Pluto, or Plaxarisis’Fulgh. Or all of the above.Chihuahuas are very ugly. They are like, demon laboratory rats with all their hair burned off in an offering to the Methylhydroxidine Manufacturers. I mean, even other weird little dogs like Shih Tzus (go wash your mouth, young man,) Pappilons, and Pekinese (Pekineseses, Pekinuses, Pekinii,) have hair, however moplike it may be. But Chihuahuas do not even make this precept of mammality. And yet people even ignore the actual cute animals like baby polar bears, gorillas, and the infant rattlesnake to cuddle with these much more dangerous extra-terrestrials. They even dress ‘em up and treat ‘em better than their own kids!The first step to eradicating these evil aliens is to get national coverage of the invasion. Tabloids across the nation will be sure to rally to the headline of “CUTE DOGS PROVEN SPACE ALIENS!!!”Once we amass our devoted legions of four people, we will cleanse the world, or at least the local neighborhood of these vile creatures, for as long as their owners don’t beat us to a pulp. 

You know you’re a success when people start using your name/company name to describe your function.Which makes it somewhat odd that Google would want to discourage such usage of its name. According to Wikipedia: “Fearing the dilution and potential loss of its trademark Google has attempted to discourage use of the word as a verb, particularly when used as a synonym for general web searching”, and also said: Google sent a plea to the public requesting that “you should please only use ‘Google’ when you’re actually referring to Google Inc. and our services.”   Oh, come on, people, you’re worried people will forget that people will forget your company when they’re thinking or saying it every time they think of web searching? Did your ever hear anybody using “MSN Live Search” as a verb? Or even Yahoo? “Uh, hang on, let me MSN Live Search that real fast.”  Companies should be pushing this practice along. People “Fed-Ex” things, they do not “UPS” them.  There are some other examples: McGyver, and Xerox, for instance.  I mean, if my name was Paul Jones, and I started a company that produces really action packed movies, say, then I would be somewhat satisfied if I heard someone say that “That movie was almost a  Paul Jones,” that, to me would mean I was quite successful.   Of course these could also carry neutral, negative, or confrontational images, such as say,  George Lucas-ing those movies.Of course the reason they did it was to avoid people being able to loophole their way around the copyright, but still…

Did you know they have a name for that place that cartoon characters pull things out of nowhere from? It’s called “Hammerspace” and open some very interesting possibilities. 

First, we need a brief description if you didn’t read the link. Hammerspace is that area where people magically pull objects from, as it’s probably not from their wazoo. Our stereotypical Japanamationman “Flugly” will demonstrate:

See? It came from hammer space. (That was a lame joke) Hammerspace also includes the areas behind tiny, thin objects. Mr. Flugly will demonstrate:

Now, what do we do with this information?

Obviously this would have great military applications. Imagine an army of trained troops able to pull oversized hammers from nowhere! If you seen video games or cartoons, you’ll know the devastating effect this has on people. They’ll scream with their tongues and eyes bulging out, run frantically on air, then, before they can get anywhere, they’ll be smashed into pancakes before comically popping back up again. This is also great for troop morale. 

Plus this is great for carrying supplies. Two men could be traveling through the desert, about to perish from thirst, they come upon an oasis. They plunge into the life saving water, and then the one guy could pull a 50,000 gallon water bottle out of his pocket, say, “well, looks like I didn’t need this after all!” and throw it over his shoulder, which leads to a prompt whack on the head with a coconut from traveller number two.

This would put an end to any housing problems, too. Everybody could have a door permanently attached to their bit of hammerspace, as long as they didn’t trip over all the large, blunt instruments everybody carelessly keeps shoving in there.

The FBI could certainly use the “behind thin objects” part too. Imagine being able to hide behind conveniently placed wires, and being able to make it the big, round black bomb just in time to snuff it and have it blow up anyway, leaving one of those hard to shampoo hairdos.

I’ll leave the rest of it up to you.

P.S. Maybe that’s where all the missing socks go…  

P.P.S. I ought to start selling collectible Flugly cards for the low price of $16.00 apiece.  

Well, school begins again soon, and many stores are having their back to school sales. However, this seems a bit unfair, as they are all geared to kids coming back to middle school, high school, kindergarten, etc. and have sales on things like notebooks and pencils, but there are many more types of back to scholars, as well as special niches in the regulars, and they deserve special markets.First off, in even regular schools, there are many subdivisions, and marketers would be wise to cater to the “divide and conquer” gimmick, and so set up special sales in the niche market. For instance, the “Kid who gets picked on Back-to-school sale!” This special includes discounts on waterproof notebooks, (for when they are thrown in toilets,) shock resistant glasses, (for when hit in face,) scent-proof clothing, (for when thrown in dumpsters,) counterfeit lunch money, and sneakers with hiding compartment for actual money, (for obvious reasons,) and discount martial arts lessons. [when the kid is tired of putting up with it, and wants to make a clichéd movies about a kid learning to defend himself, (Think Karate Kid and Sidekicks).]Contrasting sharply is the Bully’s back-2-school kit, including such items as matches for burning waterproof notebooks, brass knuckles for hitting in the stomach instead of the face, a puppy with a manual on how to train it to be a lunch money detection dog, and a waiver form for when he gets beat up in a showdown behind the cafeteria. Here are some other kits for regular school division kids:

 The Nerd Kit, containing such goodies as: 

Calculators, Multiple color pens/ZIP Drives, Argyll sweaters with built in pocket protectors, and Dungeons and Dragons trading card games

The Geek kit: Transistors, Capacitors, and 3,000 feet of copper wire, HD transconverter 4011 serial chip, lots and lots of duct tape

The Cheerleader Kit: Pom poms, school colors face paint, cell phone, and extra charisma

Undoubtedly this will lead to some new breakthroughs in marketing. 

Now for the more specialty back to schools:

 The 40-somethingish high school dropout who’s been fired from DacMonalds, and needs to get finish his remaining thirteen credits before he can apply for another job sale.

The depressed, homesick college kid who’s contemplating quitting Harvard and settling for a career selling used cars sale.

And I’m not even going to bring up the frat party obnoxious and hard rock/heavy metal back to school unrated edition sale.

The End. 

Have you seen the kind of flashlights that shake up? They’re very cool and handy. No batteries included, required, implied, or even inferred. Now, what if everything was shake up?Want to use your computer? On the road with no place to charge it? Simply shake it up! [Admittedly, this may damage your files, hard drive, memory, and all that other stuff they list on the side of the box to make you think it’s top-of-the-line, but this is a small price to pay for rechargeable computers, right?) What about shake up blenders? Or mixers? Ignore all those poor, backwards people who would point out the inconsequential fact that you could mix the food yourself with the same amount of energy. Those people simply don’t know progress when they see it. Those are the same people who probably objected to the Zune and other items that have undoubtedly changed history, like the rubber chicken. Imagine if they had shake-up cars! Imagine the free energy! Just lift up your car and shake it every three months or 3,ooo miles, whichever comes first. This may be a little hard on the back, but hey, it could fix the obesity crisis at the same time! It’s a self sustaining paradox, all the people to lazy to walk would end up becoming far more fit than those who aren’t. Things that absolutely have to be plugged in might exist, but we could convert the generators themselves to shake up power! (All together now…) which would create valuable jobs in the economy.The Shake-up Revolution would be even further furthered by having machines that automatically shake up things for you. Ah, I can just imagine the info-mercials now… *Wavy flashback effect* Blatantly tired people shaking their high tech appliances groan. Then some guy who flunked out of college for talking in class gets up and says “TIRED OF SHAKING ALL THOSE APPLIANCES BY HAND? THIS IS BIG LOUDGUY HERE TO TELL YOU HOW I MADE A FORTUNE ON MY AMAZING NEW PRODUCT: SHAKEZE!!! OBSERVE HOW THE SAME MUNDANE TASK IS MADE EASY AND FASCINATING BY A CHEAP PLASTIC ARM AND SOME BLINKING LIGHTS! AND IT’S COMPLETELY BATTERY FREE! ALL YOU DO IS SHAKE IT UP AND IT WILL DO THE WORK FOR YOU! IF YOU’RE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED WITH THIS PRODUCT, IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT TOY TO DISTRACT THE CAT! ALL THIS FOR THE PRICE OF, NOT $50, NOT $30, BUT ONLY $20 DOLLARS! $300 dollars shipping and handling. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! IF YOU CALL NOW WE’LL INCLUDE A SECOND ONE FREE-FREE-free!!! AND WE’LL EVEN INCLUDE AN ITEM FROM MY LAST MAIL ORDER ITEM THAT BOMBED, THE BLINKY HAT LIGHT. IF YOU’VE EVER WANTED BLINKING CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS ON A TACKY, OVERPRICED TOURIST HAT, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! CALL THE NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN IN THE NEXT 0.008 MILISECONDS! OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY IF IT’S NOT THEIR LUNCH BREAK RIGHT NOW! AS A REMINDER, YOU GET (repeat almost entire eight minute commercial) FOR ONLY $20! blah blah blah must be eighteen or over to call. *Wavy out of flashback effect*Once your eardrums recover, you will hopefully see the light and find yourself wishing you’d bought that automatic commercial muter you saw on the last infomercial. (Why don’t they make those?) Join me to march on Washington demanding that a bill be passed to make all electronics shake-up. Everybody’s invited next thursday and refreshments will be served. Thank you for your time.

This video I found shows how to use an interesting grid technique to easily multiply large numbers. Very handy. Boy, it had me going for a while there. Sheesh, smart alecks.

This is a test post to see how well a search engine like Google will pick this up, along with this business my mom has, doing embroidering. She did the back of my camp chair and it looks cool. Here’s the website.
A Stitch in Time 

WARNING!

 I am not responsible for anyone who decides to pull the following prank. It is quite possibly illegal, and is intended for entertainment purposes only! 

This is an idea for a prank I thought up. I don’t like pranks, but this one is a funny idea, although make sure you read the warning above. 

The following is a transcript of a possible phone prank:

*phone rings*

Hapless Victim: Hello?

Evil Pranker: Hi, this is [fake name], and I’m calling to tell you that you could be the winner of a huge sweepstakes!

HV: Really? Like what kind of sweepstake?

EP: Well, Fire stations across the country have been contributing to a jackpot. This sweepstakes is designed to raise fire safety awareness levels.

HV: Cool, how do I enter?

EP: Well, it’s very simple, dial 9-1-1, shout “Fire!” and give the representative the information they ask for. If you won, your local fire department will show up in their truck, and give you your prize!

( Obviously most people will get that this is a prank at this point, but if the victim is Unusually Stupid, they may continue…)

USHV:  Awesome! I’ll do that right now!

*calls 911*

USHV: FIRE!!!

911 Person: Calm down sir, what’s your name?

USHV: Jon Deir

911P: And what is your address?

USHV: 1 Dumm Gye, Apartment 3!

911P: Thank you, we’ll send a crew your way. Now, then

*Hangs up*

USHV: YES! I’m gonna be rich 

I’ll leave it to you to imagine the scene when he rushes out to greet the firemen and asks where his money is.

Note, once again, DO NOT DO THIS! I am absolved from all legal problems or complications that may arise from anyone being dumb enough to do this. Thank You. 

What Happens if the Burger King falls in love with the Dairy Queen? Do they name their kid Wendy? Or McDonald, if it’s a boy? Here’s hoping all their (tater) Tots live happily to rule the Corporate Kingdom! P.S. I’ll get back to posting things tomorrow. I  had  a brief sabbatical from posts.