Bak 2 Skool

Well, school begins again soon, and many stores are having their back to school sales. However, this seems a bit unfair, as they are all geared to kids coming back to middle school, high school, kindergarten, etc. and have sales on things like notebooks and pencils, but there are many more types of back to scholars, as well as special niches in the regulars, and they deserve special markets.First off, in even regular schools, there are many subdivisions, and marketers would be wise to cater to the “divide and conquer” gimmick, and so set up special sales in the niche market. For instance, the “Kid who gets picked on Back-to-school sale!” This special includes discounts on waterproof notebooks, (for when they are thrown in toilets,) shock resistant glasses, (for when hit in face,) scent-proof clothing, (for when thrown in dumpsters,) counterfeit lunch money, and sneakers with hiding compartment for actual money, (for obvious reasons,) and discount martial arts lessons. [when the kid is tired of putting up with it, and wants to make a clichéd movies about a kid learning to defend himself, (Think Karate Kid and Sidekicks).]Contrasting sharply is the Bully’s back-2-school kit, including such items as matches for burning waterproof notebooks, brass knuckles for hitting in the stomach instead of the face, a puppy with a manual on how to train it to be a lunch money detection dog, and a waiver form for when he gets beat up in a showdown behind the cafeteria. Here are some other kits for regular school division kids:

 The Nerd Kit, containing such goodies as: 

Calculators, Multiple color pens/ZIP Drives, Argyll sweaters with built in pocket protectors, and Dungeons and Dragons trading card games

The Geek kit: Transistors, Capacitors, and 3,000 feet of copper wire, HD transconverter 4011 serial chip, lots and lots of duct tape

The Cheerleader Kit: Pom poms, school colors face paint, cell phone, and extra charisma

 

 

Undoubtedly this will lead to some new breakthroughs in marketing. 

Now for the more specialty back to schools:

 The 40-somethingish high school dropout who’s been fired from DacMonalds, and needs to get finish his remaining thirteen credits before he can apply for another job sale.

The depressed, homesick college kid who’s contemplating quitting Harvard and settling for a career selling used cars sale.

And I’m not even going to bring up the frat party obnoxious and hard rock/heavy metal back to school unrated edition sale.

The End.